My Way
by jimparsonsisgawd
Summary: Things never went his way. If only he could have done something right, protected his friends, protected the one he cared about the most. They wouldn't have hated him so much, and maybe in the end he wouldn't have been alone. Ben's POV, DougxBen.
1. Chapter 1

Description: Things never went his way. If only he could have done something right, protected his friends, protected the one he cared about the most. They wouldn't have hated him so much, and maybe in the end he wouldn't have been alone. Ben's POV, DougxBen.

* * *

My Way, Chapter One

* * *

_"Luck is a very thin wire between survival and disaster, and not many people can keep their balance on it."_ – Hunter S. Thompson

* * *

Everything was going to be okay. The others had made it. I was lighter than Lee and Kenny. I think... I stand on the railing of the balcony and jump, but something snaps, and I hear myself scream as I crash down to the pavement. How many floors was that? Was it only the second floor we'd been on...? Yeah. So I was okay...

I was okay, wasn't I? I lay there in a kind of painful shock, not even entirely sure what hurts as Lee and Kenny come to help me. "Ow..." I hear myself muttering as Kenny kneels down, Lee approaching quietly. I hear the walkers coming, their disgusting, congested breathing getting closer.

"Uhm, I'm okay!" I say, a strange and fearful hope in my tone, "I'm okay! Just...get me out of here."

"Shh! Quiet Ben. Or they'll be on top of us." Lee answers as he turns to look toward the end of the alley.

_There had been so many of us once..._

"Yeah, try to keep your mouth shut," Kenny says in turn, starting to pick up all the trash that's on top of me. I'd never seen Kenny look so... I don't know what the word would be. It wasn't sad, but it wasn't normal either.

"I'm sorry, just get me up. My legs hurt. I think..." They do hurt. I think I'd landed on them first. But the pain...it's weird. Like something was there that didn't belong there. It didn't really hurt... It was just strange.

"We're gonna get your ass up," Kenny says quietly, looking at me with the same kind of face.

"R-really?" I ask, "I thought you..."

Hated me.

_What happened to the others...? Where did they go?_

After a few moments Kenny clears away the debris, and I think they'll reach their hands down and help me. But they just stare at me. "Fuckin' Hell," Kenny mutters, Lee staying quiet, just looking...

"What is it? I'm okay...I-I'm okay..." Kenny says something and tries to pick me up, but something hurts. This terrible pain shooting through my stomach and chest, and then I finally look up.

It's going through me...

The two of them speak as I stare, wondering just what's going to happen now. Damn it, I can't do anything right! I can't even die right! And now they're gonna get me! I can't help but scream as they try to pull me up again, and I see the walkers right there now. "Oh God, don't let them get to me!" I beg, and Kenny looks at me with a kind of sadness...or maybe pity? that I'd never seen before.

_David... Katjaa... Doug..._

_'Ben!'_

I can hardly hear anything as Kenny and Lee shout at each other, my eyes are getting kind of hazy. Is this what dying is like?

"Oh God! Kenny, ple-" I hear a bang.

_Was that me talking just now?_

_'Ben!'_

_Doug...?_

_Why? Why can't anything have gone my way...?_

* * *

There had been so many of us before now. Now there's only three. Me, Travis and David, who says we don't need to call him Mister Parker anymore. It isn't like it matters. But it's hard to get used to. He's actually a pretty cool guy - he knows a lot about edible plants and stuff, and yesterday he caught a rabbit for Travis and me.

We've been out on our own for a few days now. Thank God we got away from those other guys. They haven't looked for us i don't think, but ever since we got away David doesn't sleep. He doesn't even relax. Travis sleeps like a rock. I have nightmares. I miss my mom and dad. I miss my sister Brianne. I miss Nikolai too...

I don't really know why. We broke up almost a year ago when he went to college in New York. Maybe it's just because I miss everyone else. I thought about going with him - I mean, going to that college when I graduated too, like we'd said at first - but it was more of a technical school, and I wanted to go into literature and art. So we broke up.

I guess it doesn't matter now, though. It's just the three of us now. Another sort-of peaceful night's over, and I'm tired as always. We're supposed to sleep in shifts, half because we need to look out for each other and half because we don't even have a gun, so if a walker comes we need to run. But Travis just sleeps.

I get up quietly and go over to David, who's already starting to get a move on. Though I have no idea where he plans on bringing us. Travis gets up less gracefully and joins us, walking alongside me..."Damn it! I'm starving," he half-shouts to no one as we walk, and I elbow him hard in the ribs because one, yes, we're all hungry and two, David hasn't eaten anything in two days and gave him a rabbit yesterday. So shut up.

That only makes Travis mad and he turns to hit me, but David catches his arm and starts quiet-yelling about how the three of us are on our own now and we're all the family we've got. And while the three of us are distracted and walking I hear a sudden snap. Or maybe it was a crash. I don't know. It sounded like metal banging against metal. And suddenly David screams and hits the ground, and I see metal. And blood. And he just keeps screaming.

It takes a few seconds for me to understand what's happening. Travis is already on the ground and trying to get this...thing...this trap...off of him. And I try to help too, but he just keeps screaming and I don't know what to do. There's no latch or anything to get it off, and it's old and rusted and hard to touch without it cutting your hands...

Travis turns away and starts shouting, "No, No! Please don't kill us we just wanna help our teacher, we'll leave I swear!" And I turn and see two men standing there, both holding rifles.

One of them's pretty young, maybe in his mid-twenties, who's short with glasses and dark hair and some kind of work shirt that says his name, Mark, on it. The other one look's about David's age, maybe a little bit older. He's black and has a beard and is taller than Mark - I'm assuming Mark's the other man's real name - and he looks more nervous too. After a second another guy with a gun shows up, this one wearing a trucker cap and a big mustache, and before I can observe him David starts screaming "Get it off! Get it off damn it get it off me!" and in an instant I'm trying - and failing - to help him again.

"Travis! Maybe they can help!" I say with a kind of desperate hope.

"These could be the same guys that raided our camp!" He bites back.

But I don't care, I just want my friend to be okay. "Our camp got taken over and Mister Parker said that we should stay away from the streets and we-" I stop as David starts shouting again, and look at them like I'm ready to start begging and grovelling. "PLEASE!"

"Ben, shut up! My dad was special forces, I know what I'm doing!"

I ignore him. "Just see if you can get him out! After that you can leave us or whatever! I don't care! PLEASE!" It might be hard for Travis to understand, maybe because he and I were never really friends to begin with. But I've been in our school band since I was a freshman, and David's always been there for me when I needed help. He's like my best friend now...

It's pretty blurry after that, mostly because it was so hard to watch.

They chopped off his leg. The screaming was a lot to deal with, then the short guy picked him up and starts carrying him, and I run behind. I don't really know what happened to Travis, but he got left there.

Now here we are. It's an inn, or a motel or...something. People are shouting the moment that we walk into through the gates, and I'm scared they're gonna toss us out without even trying to help David. The woman there, who I think is named Lilly...? shouts at them, and I find out the other two guys' names: Lee and Kenny. They all start yelling at each other, and an older guy coming over and siding with her.

Lee stays quiet for the most part, and then he and Kenny ask someone else to help David.

Kenny, Lilly, the older guy and Mark keep shouting at each other, either about how they can't help anyone else or about how they need to help, and the only ones who stay quiet are me and these two kids. And this other guy, who looks about...twenty-three? He doesn't seem to agree with the woman and the older man, and he kind of smiles at me. I would have smiled back if I wasn't so scared.

But the group settles, and a small hand takes hold of mind, "Come on and see what I drew."

I look down and see the little girl there, and shake my head, "N-no, I-"

"Just come on, okay?" she asks, pulling me away from David and the others. I want to stay, to hear what else they'll say. But I go.

And I'm stuck there for a while. The kids try and talk to me, and I appreciate that, but it's so hard to focus...

Lee comes over and gives the two kids some food. He gives me something too, a piece of beef jerky. At least, I think that's what it is. I want to save some of it, maybe for later or maybe for David, but I end up just eating all of it. As the kids talk I sometimes hear a bell go off, and I look behind me and see the guy from before, whatever his name was, fiddling with a bunch of bells tied up against the wall. I don't bother to question it.

After a few more minutes I hear footsteps coming up from behind me. I half-expect it to be that woman, there to tell me to take David and leave, or for it to be David, telling me everything will be fine. But it's neither. A hand touches my shoulder and I turn. It's the man from the wall, the one who'd smiled at me.

"Hi," He says, still smiling a little. He can see that I'm scared. Anyone could. I stand up, a little relieved to have an adult to talk to for a few minutes.

I'm a little taller than him, and thinner. But he's not really short or fat or anything like that, just built differently I guess. He has this nice, light brown hair and brown eyes, and a nice smile. I like it. Though I'm sure he can't tell at the moment. "Hi," I say in turn, not sure what else would be right.

He keeps smiling, not in a creepy kind of way or anything. "Are you alright...Benjamin?" He asks, looking at the name '_Ben_' engraved along the left side of my jacket.

"I'm okay," I mutter, though I don't really know if I am or not. After that I added, a little awkwardly, "My name is Benton."

"Oh! Sorry," He says, the smile fading for a moment before it comes back, "Like Thomas Hart Benton or Benton, Pennsylvania?"

"Uhm...I guess?"

But my awkwardness doesn't deter him, and he's still friendly. "Benton," he repeats quietly, before he nods and puts his hand out to mine, "I'm Doug."

Doug.

* * *

_Doug..._

_Why couldn't everything had gone my way? For once?_

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End of Chapter one. Feel free to leave a review!


	2. Chapter 2

My Way, Chapter 2

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_Life comes from physical survival; but the good life comes from what we care about._ - Rollo May

* * *

We haven't been speaking for very long, but Doug's already brought me over to show me his alarm system he's built. It's a bunch of bells all lined up together and tied together with some string, and he said they'll go off when someone's coming close to the inn.

These people here are lucky to have someone smart. Not that the others didn't seem smart, but... Still... "This is really nice," I say, smiling at him a little. I'm still scared, and I don't think I can really pretend to be happy at the moment.

These guys have a pretty great set-up. At least, compared to what me and Travis and David had... The wall that separates the inn from the outside, actual beds to sleep in inside, this big RV so that if something goes wrong they can leave, food, actual FOOD! Not a lot of it, but it's there...

"Thanks," Doug finally says, though he shakes his head a bit, "Anything I'd like to contribute needs batteries or tools I just don't have...I feel worthless on watch because I'm not wild about guns, and I just wish I was more helpful."

I frown a little. Did they not value intelligence here? "On watch?"

"Yeah. Every night one or two people sit on the RV and look out for walkers," He says, turning his attention back to the little system for a few moments, "Most of the time we don't see much of anything. Kenny, Lee and Mark try to thin out the number of walkers when they go hunting."

That makes sense, I guess. "Who needs to do the watch tonight?"

"Me."

The answer comes out a bit begrudgingly. I get it. I'm not really into guns either. "Could I join you then?"

I don't really know why I'd ask. I guess it just seems unfair that he'll be alone and with no one to talk to. He stops what he's doing and looks up at me, turning around and standing up and scratching his head in confusion, his light brown hair rustling gently at the touch of his hand. "I guess," He says, more surprised than against the idea.

"I mean, if they let me stay," I say in turn, looking anxiously over at the others. I see Lee helping that woman with David's leg. That woman...what was her name? Katjaa?

A weird name, but Benton is too.

"They'll let ya stay," He says, standing next to me and looking over as well, "Only Lilly and her dad don't want you two here, the rest of us'll ignore them. Besides, who would just abandon a teenager and his hurt teacher? How old are you, anyway?"

"Nineteen," I say. I didn't want to say I'd been held back a year when I was little, most people assume I'm stupid when I tell them. "How old are you?"

"Twenty-four."

Oh.

Well I was close.

* * *

We're sitting atop the RV now, at the back of it. Lilly's nearby at the front, on 'daywatch.' It doesn't seem like that big of a deal compared to 'nightwatch' which, I guess, is when you really need to look out. Her dad and that other guy Mark are building up the wall to keep the walkers out, and Lee and Kenny are talking a few feet away, occasionally looking over at the kids.

I don't really know for sure but I think that little girl Clementine was either abandoned or lost her parents, and kind of just clung to Lee when she found him. She doesn't really look much like him, but maybe he's her uncle or something. The boy's name's Duck and he looks a little older than her, maybe ten or eleven. He reminds me of myself when I was younger. He's Kenny and Katjaa's son. Looks a lot like Kenny.

We're sitting there watching Katjaa trying to help David. I think it's going well, but I can't tell. He doesn't seem to be bleeding anymore... "Do you think he'll be okay?" I ask Doug, who's sitting right next to me.

He shrugs a little, "I don't know," He said, "I would trust her to help me if I were in his position. But I mean, I know about computers and that doesn't mean I can fix a calculator..."

A few moments pass before he chuckles a little and adds "But I probably _could!_"

Even though it takes me a second to understand, it's a comfort. "He's my best friend," I hear myself muttering, "he's the only one left." And after a moment Doug puts his arm over my shoulder, I guess trying to help.

"Everything will be fine," he says, trying hard to reassure me that everything will, in fact, be okay.

We're quiet after this and simply watch. Lee goes over and starts to help Katjaa, who is...I guess...sewing the wound? I dunno, how do you fix an amputation? Just...sew it up?

Weird.

It's funny. If David hadn't gotten hurt and that girl - What was her name? Lilly? - and her dad didn't want us gone, I would be so excited about being here. Even with Travis gone.

...Wow, is that horrible of me? I mean yeah it'd be better if Travis had come. Of course it'd be better if Travis had come! But even with him gone, if these people were a little less... Angry, I'd be really happy.

Really though is that horrible of me? I was never really good friends with Travis, and even when it was only the three of us we weren't friends...

Whatever.

* * *

Some time goes by and we're just sitting there, but it isn't an uncomfortable quiet. It's the kind of quiet where you can think and glance around without wondering what the other person is thinking or worrying that they're bored. At one point the two kids came toward us, asking if I wanted to play with them.

They seemed so happy to have someone new nearby. The little girl, Clementine, drew a picture of me. The boy, Duck, holds a soccer ball and seems eager to play with an older kid.

Though his attention is quickly taken up by the fact that his mother is sewing up some guy's leg, and he goes closer to watch her. I see as he reaches out, like he's about to touch David's leg, and jump slightly along with him when she yells out "Kenneth James Smerton, what do you think you're doing?!"

Looking over at Doug it's obvious that he's a little startled too.

I've now learned a couple of things. One, Duck's named after his dad, and two, don't piss off Katjaa. She seems really nice, but I guess everyone who's nice loses it sometimes.

Duck turns away and looks back up at me, and I tell them I can't play right now. And they walk away, looking disappointed until Kenny and Lee agree to play with them.

And we're quiet again, until I feel Doug shaking me by the shoulder gently, pointing down toward Katjaa. She's standing there and waving a bit for me to come down, and isn't screaming, and he's not one of those...things... So...

So... is he going to be okay?

Doug jumps down first and I follow a moment after, walking over to Katjaa more slowly than I probably should have. "So...?"

I don't really know what my question was, so I don't finish it. I hear footsteps behind me and turn back to see Lee and Kenny standing there, the kids a few feet back. Lilly's still up on the RV, Mark and Larry still working on the wall. Mark looks over at me after a moment with a kind of grudging obligation, and after that I look back at Katjaa, who's said nothing yet. She isn't annoyed or anything and seems to understand. I like Katjaa, I'm glad that she's here.

"He's your teacher?" She asks, looking back at him.

"Yes," I say, pausing awkwardly for a moment and thinking about it, "Well no. He was my band director. But he's an English and History teacher."

As I think about it I realize how stupid that was. Who cares what subjects he teaches? What difference does any of it make?

But Katjaa doesn't seem to mind. She's smiling at me like a mom smiles at their kid or a teacher smiles at their embarrassed student. "How old is he?"

"Thirty-one."

"Is there anything wrong with him?"

"Well, his leg is missing." After another moment I realize what she means and shake my head, "No, not as far as I know..." He doesn't have any kind of disease or anything. That's what she meant, right?

I don't look at the others for a few moments and just look down, my face feeling like it's on fire and my stomach tying up into knots of embarrassment.

Stupid, stupid, stupid!

But they don't say anything, and I feel a kind of pity - or maybe annoyance - coming off of them. Doug puts an arm over my shoulder again like he had before, and he smiles a little, but I don't look at him for long, and just wait for Katjaa to say something.

"I can't really tell what will happen," she says, and as she speaks I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding in. "I've never had to do anything like this before..." She turns and shows us his leg. Or rather what was once a leg and was now a knee. It's bandaged up tightly, and the bleeding seems to have stopped, but I can't really tell. "It wasn't easy to seal the wound since it wasn't exactly done properly," she says, not in an unkind tone, "But the bleeding seems to have slowed."

So he's alive... He's alive. "Do you think he'll be okay?" I hear myself asking.

She pauses, looking back at him, "I don't want to tell you he will and get your hopes up, but-"

"But he survived the worst of it," Kenny says assertively, "Lee and I'll head into Macon tomorrow and when we look for supplies we'll try and find a pair of crutches."

I look back at the older man for a moment gratefully, and then to Lee, whose expression is a little more skeptical. "Ken," he says in the calm tone he'd tried to use when he first found us, "We don't know if this guy'll-"

"No. He's not gonna die." Kenny says, "He's gonna live."

And I'm grateful for those words.

Doug stays quiet, looking from David - who's still out cold - to Katjaa and back again, as if to make sure. Katjaa continues, "I've done the best that I can. Lilly told me that we can only use one bottle of painkillers for him if... Well, we can only use one. And no antibiotics."

"But without antibiotics he'll just get sick!" Doug half-yells in protest, not angrily but almost offended at the idea. Doug hasn't spoken up to the others about anything up until now, and it seems to throw the other two men off.

"I know," Katjaa said, "Some studies have shown that pouring sugar over a wound works just as well as antibiotics. We have two bags of that left, and it's not like we have anything to do with it. For now," she said the last part with a bit of a bite. "Ken, I need you to look for some more sugar when you go to town with Lee."

What? How on Earth does sugar...?

I guess it's better than nothing, right? At least he's alive. "What do we do now?" Doug asks.

Katjaa looks at us and back at David, "Get him onto one of the beds inside," she says, looking between me and Doug, as well as Kenny and Lee. Lee turns and calls out to Mark, who comes over to help too. "He probably won't wake up for a while, but if he does have him eat some sugar." I didn't question the reasoning and grabbed hold of him by one of his arms and started to carry him with the others, Clementine running ahead and opening the door to the nearest room.

* * *

And now here we are. David's asleep slash unconscious on the bed near the bathroom and I'm sitting on the one near the door. Doug sits next to me. It's dark out, and the lights in here don't work, so it's hard to see either of them.

"You should probably stay with him," Doug says, "I don't mind doing the watch alone."

"No," I say, too nervous to leave David - who's at least breathing - but not wanting Doug to go away, "Stay with me. Can't someone else take the nightwatch?"

He's quiet for a moment and turns to the door, stepping out and saying something to Lilly, who yells something I can't really understand. Then he's back. "I'm covered." He says.

And then he stays with me, and we wait, sitting next to one another in silence. And I guess that he didn't mind watching David, because eventually I fall asleep. I wake up at one point with a nightmare - David was dead, Travis was gone, I was alone...

But I see Doug sitting there. And I'm okay again...

* * *

_Doug..._

_Why didn't everything go right?_


End file.
